hmm....

Posted: Monday, October 30, 2006 by Stained in
3

For the past 24 hours, I've been on cloud no 9. The weather's quite pleasant up here :D. Time seems to be moving so slowly & I don't even mind it. That's a first...
The writting's on the wall, I've finally got what I've always wanted & now I'm not gonna let it go.

Hmm...can't stop thinking about all that happened yesterday. I keep 'open-eyed' dreaming about it & just can't stop smiling [my jaw is gonna start hurting after awhile].
Well can't really write anymore as I can't think of words to describe what all I'm feeling....so that...

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Beatiful Letdown...

Posted: Thursday, October 26, 2006 by Stained in
3

Wanted to make a post but then heard the song 'Beautiful Letdown' by 'Switchfoot' & as it says all that I wanted to say so I decided to post the lyrics. This song defines me as a person..its my song....its who I am & this is how I feel. So here are the lyrics:


It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone
Unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free

We're still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one's won.

See, I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Well, I don't belong here,
I don't belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don't belong
I don't belong
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
No, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set sight
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
It feels like I don't belong here, yeah
It goes like I don't belong here
I don't belong (I don't belong)
Won't you let me down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
You always let me down (I don't belong)
So glad that I'm let down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
'Cause I don't belong here
Won't you let me down!

********

Quite depressing, aint it......

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Dont know what I'm playing at...

Posted: Wednesday, October 25, 2006 by Stained in Labels:
3

Its been a long time since I've written a poem....so here's an attempt to write what I'm currently feeling...

Dont know what I'm playing at...
(25/10/2006, 9:30)

Don't know what I'm playing at
It feels so right
The things I've done
The things I want to do
With you...

Don't know what I'm playing at
Coz this all could be so wrong
And nothing would be left
Just broken dreamz & piercing memories
I need you...

It feels so right
But this all could be so wrong
And it scares me to think
Is this a mistake
I don't want to lose you....

*****

Hmm..surely not at my writing best, but this is how I feel. At a junction where I fear losing what I have even though I have been assured that I won't lose anything but I really don't trust myself...

Btw, heard this amazing song by 'Dashboard Confessional', its called 'Hands down'. The following are its lyrics....[I love the chorus]

Breathe in for luck
Breathe in so deep
This air is blessed
You share with me
This night is wild
So calm and dull
These hearts they race
From self-control
Your legs are smooth
As they graze mine
We're doing fine
We're doing nothing at all

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me
So I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst
To break or bury
Or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer

The words are hushed
Let's not get busted
Just lay entwined here
UndiscoveredSafe in here from all those stupid questions
"Hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb
Stay quiet
Stay near
Stay close,
they can't hear
So we can get some

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me
So I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst
To break or bury
Or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer

Hands down this is the best day I can ever rememberI'll always remember
the sound of the stereo
The dim of the soft lights
The scent of your hair
That you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock
When we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together
And the streets were wet
And the gate was locked
So I jumped it
And >>>>>I<<<<<>
And you stood at your door
With your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew,
That you meant it
That you meant it
That you meant it
And I knew,
That you meant it
That you meant it...

********
I wonder when I'll share my first kiss......

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The R32...

Posted: Sunday, October 22, 2006 by Stained in
1

Just remembered an incident that happened to me a few days back.

Being a great car fan[like every other guy], I love taking pictures & a closer look at any exotic rare car. I'm not scared if the owner does turn up while I go through my peeking & pictures routine. Its happened to me quite a few times when the owner would just give me nasty looks or maybe a smile. I would usually wait for the owner to drive away as I would want to hear the exhaust note of the car[it's a guy thing]. But on two occasions, the owners spoke to me, saying the same thing,"for sale, want to buy it" & for some absurd reason my brains would freeze up. With a weird smile on my face & a mumbled no, I would try to disappear from that situation as fast as I could.

The first incident had happen when I was still a shy school student who would go red in the face for no bloody reason. The second incident was the one that happened to me a few days back. I was in dubai media city, just left mcdonalds. On the way to pick a friend from college[AUD], me & my friend[in his car] saw a parked VW Golf R32, a car that both of us wanna one day own. So we stopped next to the car, I got off to start my routine when someone calls out, it was the owner saying that it was for sale & if I was interested to buy it. I knew he was joking & like a proper adult [I'm 20] I could have engaged him in a intelligent conversation where maybe I could have ended up getting a ride in the car but i just decide to slide back into my friends car. Weird....that is sooo not me. Its confuses me why I freeze up coz I have worked in sales so I do know how to deal with strangers. Well I do hope that next time when I do end up in such a situation I'll act more mature & sensible....

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The so called 'College love....'

Posted: Saturday, October 21, 2006 by Stained in
2

Do people in college really understand what love is or is it just 'timepass' where either they are too scared to be 'alone' or they just want to satisfy their 'physical desires'. Even if the girls are serious[about the relationship], its very rare the guys will also be serious. So how can these girls go out with such guys. Fine, maybe the girls learn to compromise for the time being hoping that as time passes they would be able to change the guys attitude towards the relationship. But how often does that work. I have a few cases in front of my eyes where any such atempt made by the girls are in vain. And then you hear them complain that my boyfriend is like this, he does not care etc. But the thing that really cracked me up was this line said by a girl,"If I [the girl] dont dress up nicely he [her boyfriend] does not give me attention but when I do, he wants to be with me all the time". Now which girl would choose to go out with such a guy. Sheesh its sooo...urgh...have not words to describe what it is. Is this the so called, highly advertised Love or is it just a compromise & then more compromises till everything falls apart. But then I think it won't matter to such people in it end, they might just find new companions to go out with......

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Etisalat & SRK

Posted: Wednesday, October 18, 2006 by Stained in
2

I recieved a SMS from 'Etisalat' yesterday. The following was the content of the message

"Win free ticket to watch the Bollywood hit 'Don'. Enter SMS quiz, Answer 10 questions. SMS 'S DonQuiz' to 1117. Only AED 2 for registration! For info. call 101"

All my friends recieved this message. We were surprised, since when did Etisalat start promoting 'Bollywood' movies & how can a movie be a hit even before its release. Then the answer came, 'Shah Rukh Khan'. Even though it was just a promotion gimic to call it a hit, but it all fell into place when you think about the supposed 'King Khan' of bollywood. They seem to believe that anything SRK touches would turn into gold. So here we have 'Etisalat' sending messages to its subscribers hoping that the die-hard fans would reply[I'm sure many must have], jumping on the SRK band-wagon hoping that it would bring them riches.

"Etisalat third-quarter profit rised to Dh1.6billion - result helped by strong mobile subscriber additions"


This was was a story published by Gulfnews today. Dh 1.6billion profit for a company, why would they end up sending such rediculus SMS's to its subscribers. What riches would it get them by joining in for this promotion campaign. If Subscribers are the main source of its income, why then send annoying SMS's to them. Just because the 'Don' distributers will go to any extend to promote a SRK movie & would have paid a shiny amount of dirhams to 'Etisalat', it should still not have gone ahead with this Win a free ticket bullshit. Next thing we want is 'Etisalat' promoting the dozen brands promoted by SRK which would make sure we recieve atleast a dozen SMS's everyday.....

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In The End

Posted: Sunday, October 15, 2006 by Stained in
5

''Everybody needs somebody to be there irrespective of who they are, I wonder when my chance will come to be that somebody...''

The last line of my previous post. What one wants, he/she will never get. Thats what life has taught me. You may try as hard as you can but in the end it all doesn't matter. Reminds me of these lines from the Linking Park song "In The End"


I tried so hard and got so far,
but in the end,
it doesn't even matter,
I had to fall,
to lose it all,
but in the end,
it doesn't even matter.

The jokes of life surround you everyday. Death hides behind a door you will soon discover. Every morning you wake up hoping that this day would be the day that your wishes were fulfilled. The day that your life would mean something to someone, your death would make someone cry. But hope is just a lie you live everyday, days that you begin with a smile & end with a tear.

But its human nature to go on hoping & so will I. But I know I will never get what I want, cause my life's a joke that just keeps getting funnier....

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Looking for the Warmest piece of Ice..

Posted: Saturday, October 14, 2006 by Stained in
3

Raging Temper,
Scary thoughts...
Nobody Loves me,
Everybody Hates me...

This is what had happened to me yesterday & were the thoughts running through my mind. Just blew my head with anger. Was sooo mad that felt like I would breathe fire. Its quite annoying to be treated like a kid, but usually I'm able to ignore this & blissfully live on. But yesterday was just different. I was frustrated without really having a significant reason to be in such a mood. Just one of those 'Dont Mess with me' days that anything said by anyone just seemed wrong to me. As usual in the end the 'Guilt' stepped in & I felt so dumb as I had clearly over reacted. So I was the one at the recieving end of ice cold behaviour from many members of my family & friends. Weird it is, everytime I lose my temper, it is always followed by the 'Guilt' factor & then the ice cold behaviour. Luckily my actions were forgiven quite easily the very next day. But I wonder what this temper will do to me one day when I do go overboard & then there is no coming back......

Btw love the song ''square one'' by coldplay, recommended to all, this is how the lyrics go

You're in control, is there anywhere you wanna go?
You're in control, is there anything you wanna know?
The future's for discovering
The space in which we're travelling
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

Under the surface trying to break through
Deciphering the codes in you
I need a compass, draw me a map
I'm on the top, I can't get back

Whoa whoa

The first line on the first page
To the end of the last page
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
Oh, you just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colours into one?
and if you come undone
As if you've been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one
**************
Everybody needs somebody to be there irrespective of who they are, I wonder when my chance will come to be that somebody...

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Fear

Posted: Friday, October 13, 2006 by Stained in
3

I am a very insecure person. Every new event raises a storm in my mind that revs my insecurity about my position in the everyday lives of the people I mingle with. Its unnecessary I know, but whatever I say to myself, these weird insecurities seem to have a ever increasing strong hold on me. They are in my every thought. Any action that I take are hampered by them. I have made several mistakes, lost friends & even made enemise due to them. I don't know what I'm playing at but I just can't let them go.

Just today, I was informed about something. A event that is of no importance to any normal human being, but here I am screwing up my day thinking about what will happen to this so called perfect world of mine. I know I'm important, but I just cannot get over the fear of being ignored. I know everyone suffers from this fear but mine is just much larger than anyone can imagine. I have almost ruined my college life due to this fear.

''It's all a mind game'', that is what I always say. ''Everything can be overcome if you are mentally strong'', this is the advice I give others when they seem to give up at the sight of small obstacles . But being the most pessimistic person when it comes to my own well-being, this advice seems to be of no use. How do I fight this I donot know. The only way I see is to run away from everything in the hope that these fears will go away....

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Ego clash

Posted: Tuesday, October 10, 2006 by Stained in
2

People & their Egos. Its disappoints me by looking at these people who pride their ego over friends. How pathetic can one be. It really sucks when egos get enlarged on small things of little of importance in ones life. Its such a kindergarden attitude, adults sulking like kids sulk when denied a chocolate bar or something like that. It would have been fine if one of them had a inflated ego, but its soo annoying when both parties involved have inflated egos & refuse to make a compromise. Then they have that look on their faces that say,''Its not my mistake, I'm the victim here''.
Hate being the negotiator in such situations. Its like making two side of the coin face the same side which is not only impossible but also murderous. Argh...the stupid retarded people with their humongous egos. Why can't they just go jump in a well & save me from the frustration from dealing with such idiots...

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Laughter & Tears

Posted: Sunday, October 08, 2006 by Stained in
2

Why do people believe that if one day if they laugh too much, they will cry the very next day. Its like destiny they say. Weird I would say. How can you make such a prediction. Its like they want to cry the next day just to keep the balance of laughter & tears in their life. They say that they have experienced it in their lives. But don't humans have the tendency to forget all those good experiences as compared to the bad ones & not everyday can be a wonderful cheerful day, their are ups & downs in life for everyone. So isn't it a little too pessimistic to assume that no two days can a person laugh his heart out. Be optimistic is all I get from them being the greatest pessimist they have known but then why do they take this approach. Its all too confusing & irritating. I think its all a mental block embedded into people's mind. Why think of tomorrow when today is so full of laughter...sheesh..

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Interesting chat

Posted: Saturday, October 07, 2006 by Stained in
1

Had quite a emotional satisfying chat with one of my close friends. She made me feel much better about things going on in life. 'Act mature', thats what she said. Maybe I am acting a little stupid, sometimes things are just too personal for one to share with others. Maybe thats why I was kept in the dark. 'You have to understand.. that what you give.. you never always get in return..' she added..maybe I am expecting too much. Interesting, this was quite a anti-climax for me, I needed the help of another person to understand things more clearly. Not something I'm used to. But well maybe this was just one of those days.....

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The First

Posted: by Stained in
3

Hmm...my first blog....
what to say...what not to say is the question....been thinking of starting one for ages but just tooo lazy...so a recent visit to a friends blog was all i needed to create this....cant really add much right now[its one of those ''writer's block'' days]...so maybe later....

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