Changing Lanes

I think enough time has passed for me to blog about this.

Two weeks back on my way to cricket at 6am, I spotted a dead cat on the road. I didn’t realise its face was smashed on one side till I picked it up. That’s one sight you don’t want to see up close. I placed it in the sand nearby and walked away as fast as I could. Alas that didn’t really help as the image of the destroyed face is embedded in my head and will linger there for a while. I drive past the spot every day....

I haven’t bought a shovel yet because I realised I’d end up in trouble if I were to be seen digging a hole in the ground. This is not going to end well. I almost stopped on Sheikh Zayed road a few days back when I spotted a kitten lying dead near the centre divider. I was at 120kph.... (-_-)

As a kid, I'd always been into dark colours when it came to clothing with black and dark blue being my favourite. This lasted till my first year in college which is when I met my CC and everything changed. I love colours now and I can honestly carry off anything...even fluorescent yellow or shocking pink. I'm not afraid of stepping out of the house wearing the oddest of mishmash. Even the shoes I own are of different colours now (I recently bought bright red shoes with white-blue polka dot laces). I don't particularly have a favourite colour anymore but I do tend to buy more yellow/orange clothes. Here’s a image of some of the shirts I own... (^_^)

I was in school, possibly in 11th. Talks of getting a pet cat were buzzing at home. We’ve all been wanting one since the time my older brother was a kid. He’s in his early 30s now.

On the day of 6th May, I got onto the school bus from home but then got off a few stops later as a friend had pointed towards a white kitten on the roadside. I grabbed it in the most awkward position, got bitten and dropped it while I was running back home. It was dead when I reached. I put it in a plastic bag and dumped it in the garbage. I think I scared it to death...

A few years later on a late-night drive back home from the movie theatre, my brother drove over a cat. He was speeding on a narrow street and was unable to react quickly enough when the cat jumped in front of the car. He dropped me home and I ran back to where the cat lay wounded, gasping for its last few breaths. I picked it up and laid it on the sand next to a construction site. It died a few minutes later.

Since then I’ve been driving a lot myself. I see dead cats every single day, squashed like a pancake or with guts spilled out. Once in a while you see a fresh kill that has yet to be run over by more cars. I was often tempted to stop and rescue the dead cat from being run over again, but I let it pass.

A week or so back, on my way home I spotted another fresh kill on the road. I parked nearby, grabbed a bag and ran to it. In the rush of getting it off the road, I used my bare hands to lift it and laid it on the pavement. There were no signs or marks on the cat that indicated it had been hit. It could have literally been sleeping. The only way to tell that it had died was the pool of blood that was near its mouth, on the road. I laid it next to the garbage box not knowing what else to do.

A few days back, while driving down the road behind Sheikh Zayed Road, I spotted another dead cat whose corpse was yet to be run over. I parked nearby, watched around 20 cars drive by hoping no one would run over it, ran to it in the first possible gap I could find in the traffic flow and got the cat’s corpse off the road. A cabbie honked at me as he came to an abrupt halt but didn’t create a scene as he saw what I was doing. Like the previous one, this one had no marks on it either, apart from blood near its mouth. I laid this one too, on a sandy plot nearby.

I don’t know how long I’ll continue to do this because it haunts me; messes up my head. I think I need to buy a shovel…

I've made it a routine to check PostSecret every Monday. I was introduced to it by my CC and I've been addicted to it since then. It's slightly unsettling when once in a while you come across a secret that hits the nail on the head. You get lost in those words and the feelings it unravels. This is one those.... (-_-)

...sometimes becomes your own...

19.04.2006
19:57

No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I want it
I can't move away from you
I can't detach myself from you
Your image is burnt in my mind
Your voice echoes through my head
You've taken a hold on me
That I wish you'd relinquish
Because I think I'm addicted to you
And I need to get over you
I need to move away from you
I need to detach myself from you

- D

Warning: Angry Rant ahead

I adore the car I drive. Love the way it handles corners, the way it feels in control. But why the fuck does it have to fail on me so many times. The number of problems I've had with the car, you'd wonder how it's still running and it's just 20 months old. And it's not like it's wear and tear or abuse (which I don't do anyways). The weather today is wonderful with clear skies; you can see the stars in the city. So I open my sun roof to enjoy the view at a signal. I lower my seat cause I sit quite high and looking up from my default position strains my neck. Guess what, the seat button stopped working and now the seat is stuck in a position I can't drive in. Fucking brilliant and I have work for the next two days. This is the second time the seat buttons/motor has stopped working. If the car wasn't under warranty, I'd have lost a fortune trying to fix it not that I haven't already with the insurance, parking card and tires. Argh...

My best friend for the past 9 years is getting married this month and I can't go to his wedding in India because I don't have the money nor can I afford to absorb the opportunity cost. I don't have work as usual which is quite obvious from the several previous rants. Desperate times means desperate measures and so I'm working at Gitex shoppers doing promotions. I feel like a failure especially when conveniently the people strutting around as managers are people I knew in college...my juniors. And then you have the ones that flunked out of college roaming around as business men shrugging off my photography cause here I was promoting a camera that I would never buy hired by the company because I'm a photographer. And I unfortunately bumped into my best friend who wasn't too happy with the fact that I wasn't coming for his wedding...I felt horrible. No eye contact was made...

And then the fucking fact that among all the kids doing sales and promotions, I perfectly blend it. I'm 25 even if I may look like a teenager and that isn't a compliment when you're trying fucking hard for people to take you seriously. I'm tired of fighting the battle of being taken as a adult. I get enough of being the kid at home stuff as I am the youngest but when people ask me which school/college I'm going to; I feel like fucking killing someone. Best part is even the people who I work with and who know my age don't take me seriously cause of the way I look.

I know I should stop ranting but it's better to let it out here than on someone you care about....I miss my CC...more than ever....

I'm an arrogant person with a colossal ego. I don't accept defeat easily....oh wait! I never accept defeat; I just burble something and act as if it never happened. Anyway as quite apparent from my unvarying work related blog rants, I’m not making a lot of money *points at the lack of cash inflow in the past 60 days*. Irrespective, I have lifestyle and work related expenses I’ve got to sustain on a daily basis which doesn’t go down well with my father who keeps a tap on my depleting bank balance. This has led me to depend financially on friends who frequently lend me money that I have a tendency to pay off by helping them with work and/or hard cash (if needed). Unfortunately for me, the amount of money I owe everyone now due to certain incidents (lost and then found my wallet that someone conveniently emptied, online purchases etc) is weighing down on my ego. My arrogance is in denial but I need to face the fact; I don’t have any money. I’ve been literally living off friends for the past 45 days or so and it feels horrible even though no one shows even the slightest inclination or pretence that they're doing me a huge favour. I’ve lost this battle and it does make sense to accept defeat before there is nothing left to salvage. I need a job and give up on this freelancer facade I’m hiding behind but I’m refusing to stop fighting; I don’t know why....