Opinion required...

Posted: Wednesday, April 21, 2010 by Stained in
26

I’d like to know if I’m right or wrong. Here’s the situation...

A girl called B breaks up with a guy called X and after a few days tells him that she’s involved (or something like that) with a guy called Z. X all shattered refuses to give up and keeps trying to patch up with B and ends up becoming a friend with benefits to her who at the same time continues to be involved with Z.

Now apart from X being an idiot...am I right to think that B is two timing Z and X even though publicly she’s not going out with either i.e. Z is a pipsqueak to announce it to the world and X does not know what he is to her...

26 comments:

  1. E = MC^2

    That's the answer.

  1. Naseem says:

    X usually is a nice guy... have less or no experience in relationships thinks that B is his dream girl and he will never find any girl like her to the point he is ready to step on his dignity for her.

    i have few of my friends (one of them very close) being as X... usaully the reason why X is in this situation because either he dont have money or he is not a handsome good looking thats why a girl like B dont want to be around an X as in relationship... however, X is so down to earth and a gentleman but as i said dont have money or looks...

    Z is a guy to feel sorry for... he perhaps got looks or money and B just using him to show off...

    this scenario is mentioned in a book called "Why men love bitches" :D

    good read ;)

  1. Stained says:

    @Ultra...I don't understand...

    @Naseem...X has money but not the looks...and Z is well her first love...X was just someone she liked...and dignity has been killed and buried... ;)

    Thanks :)

  1. Naseem says:

    in this case ask someone to advice X to move on and to stop acting like broken heart coz girls hate men who are like this... Z and B want to be together... simple :)

    either way your are right

  1. Stained says:

    Well this is what happens next....
    X forgives B for the two timing thing and continues to pursue her till he makes her fall in love with him...they stay together for 3 years before X screws up and messes everything up...

  1. Well this is what happens next....
    X forgives B for the two timing thing and continues to pursue her till he makes her fall in love with him...they stay together for 3 years before X screws up and messes everything up...

    As B had been 2 timing in the past, X probably felt little of any guilt for screwing things up. It might have been a oh, they did it to me, I can do it to them kind of thing.

    Bottom line, and this is from personal experience, very painful personal experience, once someone does something BIG to hurt you and your relationship, walk away. Because they will either do it again (Like in my case) or you will feel a sense of revenge that will be tipped by some temptation.

    Walk away. No one is worth it. It will hurt, it will leave you broken, it will kill you inside. But you will heal and something or someone else will find their way into your life. I learned this AFTER bad things. Just my piece of wisdom to your friends.

  1. Stained says:

    Sense of revenge is a little extreme...X messed up cause he'd forgotten how much he loved B and regrets every thing he did to mess things up...ego/pride/dignity ruined to convince B to come back to him....but she's gone....and he's trying to survive...

  1. Anonymous says:

    i'm curious - in your post you're asking us if B two timed X, in your comments you say X forgave B for two timing. Why are you asking us if B two timed if you think B two-timed.

    Also, if B actually broke it off with X - note you say broke it off - was it really two timing?

    You say that X and B stayed together for 3 years before X screwed up. Surely B breaking up with X because there was Z a few days after X & B started dating is a lot less colossal than X screwing up - how did X screw up btw? - 3 years into the relationship?

  1. Stained says:

    Cause I want to know if what I think is right or wrong from people who don't know who X,B or Z is cause everyone seems to see the mistake X has done but no one seems to see the mistake B did. Maybe X should have gone public about it and told everyone....

    And being romantically involved with two people at the same time...Just because it wasn't official doesn't mean it wasn't bad enough to be called two timing...and if X hadn't forgiven her, he wouldn't have pursued her, loved her and taken care of her.

    And what X did, well he asked another girl out when he was going out with B. Possibly his mistake is bigger but B's mistake isn't that minor that B can't forgive X. It does not give her the right to treat him like shit...especially when he accepted his mistake, apologized and begged unlike B who never saw her own mistake and also when he didn't literally two time her...he just asked, that also through an SMS...

    And do you understand how it feels when you realise the first kiss, the first intimidate moment, the first relationship you shared with a person you loved to bits might be a complete lie. To pursue a person for 3 months while watching that person with some one else...It's like, just because the world didn't know, the pain does not exist...

    And for everyones info if you haven't figured it out yet...I'm X

  1. Stained says:

    And in the end don't really want forgiveness cause don't deserve it. All that is needed is a chance to let her share her pain with me and let me help her heal herself cause no one can take care of her like me. But like every other time, she wants me to understand her pain(and give her time) but refuses to see mine that always existed somewhere between the lines...

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is clearly quite complicated. I also think you're making some assumptions here. And yes, didn't take a rocket scientist to know you're X.

    After going out with someone for 3 years, you asked someone else out (SMS/otherwise/whatever). Obviously you didn't ask someone random, you must have spent time with said person to decide you wanted to ask them out? But you didn't tell B?

    I'm sorry, but you complain about feeling the first intimate moment was a lie. Has it occurred to you that learning what you did would make 3 entire years seem like a lie to B when you felt that after only a few days? I think that's significant.

    You say B didn't see her mistake, and X didn't literally two time her. Both are incorrect. B at least knew what she was doing, which is why she broke up with X because Z was involved. Two, you're with someone and ask someone else out. That is two-timing. Especially if you think breaking it off with someone to pursue someone else is two timing...asking someone out while you're with someone else is definitely two-timing. Let's hope you see that.

    I also think it's not possible that when B is hurt (I assume B is) upon learning that X asked someone else out, it's going to be easy for B to share her pain with X..I mean, life does not work that way... When X is the one that caused the pain, X can't expect to the person to go to do heal herself. That does not make any sense to me at all, I'm sorry.

    My advise to you would be to really think about it. I looked at some previous posts, and while you seem to be a really photographer, I see quite a few recent posts I assume relate to B and the issue. I think you need to realize what you did and stop blaming what B did 3 years ago on things going wrong, and that if X wants to fix it, he should give her space to get over it as well and see how she responds when that happens.

  1. And for everyones info if you haven't figured it out yet...I'm X

    I figured that out from your 1st post. Please note my comment ending:

    Just my piece of wisdom to your friends.

    YOUR FRIENDS. I knew this was about you. Whenever people start talking X and Y it is about them. Or if they say to you... So my friend.... its about them.

    Chances are you know whats right and wrong and what is where. A blog post lets it all out and thats good, but something tells me you know where everything and everyone its into this little mathematical drama.

    Good luck.

  1. Stained says:

    @anon...please enlighten me what assumptions I'm making here...

    I'm not denying anything. I made a mistake and I accept it. And yes I did spend time with the said person...4 years to be exact...as a friend.

    There is difference...Me going out with her initially was a lie...cause she didn't love me, she's already accepted that. About the 3 years...I've done enough to proof how much I love her and what those 3 years meant to me...yes I screwed up that does put a question mark over those 3 years but does one big mistake negate all that love...I think not

    You've completely missed the point. I'm not talking about the time she was officially going out with me. I'm talking about her breaking up with me but unofficially still continuing to be with me while being romantically involved with some one else. And about me, yes I did almost two time her...When did I deny that.

    And you don't know how both of us worked. We always worked things out. That's how it always used to be. We loved each other enough to fix our each and every problem irrespective of how big or small it was and it made complete sense in our world. She seems to have forgotten this...

    And I have already realized what I've done and I've apologized a million times. I've never blamed her for things going wrong, so don't assume that. And I refused to give her space initially cause as I said earlier, that's not how we used to work things out...but maybe she's changed and now she can have all the space she wants...

    Oh and this is my blog and I'm allowed to rant here...

  1. Stained says:

    @ultra...I'm still a little confused...but will figure it out... :)

  1. Naseem says:

    DONT WASTE YOUR TIME ON A GIRL WHO IS NOT RESPECTING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND DATING OTHER MEN IN FRONT OF YOU.

    and by the way its X fault in all this.. not B not Z... once you leave B alone and fix the mistakes in your next relationship you will do perfect...

    NEVER TRY TO FIX SOMETHING ALREADY BROKEN, LEARN AND MAKE SURE NOT TO BREAK SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN

    I am not saying this from my mind... my ex dumbed me to date her rich boss... so I also once upon a time got hurt too.. but I walked away and I thank god I never continued with her..

  1. Anonymous says:

    Nice work screening the post that was both honest and not in your favour, but posting the one that said B never respected you and that you were right all along.

    Didn't expect anything else, but at least I know that you can't take an honest opinion. Good luck living in your little bubble of self-pity.

  1. Stained says:

    @Anon...Woah, wait a minute...The comment you're talking about might have never gotten through because I have published each and every comment made on this post apart from spam. I'm not a person who's going to shy away from criticism or honest comments. If I had to screen your comments out, I wouldn't have published any of them.

  1. Stained says:

    @Anon...one more thing, through some comments and blog posts, don't assume that you've figured me out...

  1. Anonymous says:

    @Stained, I wrote you a rather detailed post, but oh well. I'll take your word for it.

    And just because you're going off some comments yourself, don't assume I haven't figured you out...

  1. Stained says:

    @Anon...well trust me on this...you can't have figured me out...it's a lot more complicated than anyone can imagine...seriously!! :)

  1. Anonymous says:

    Someday, you'll understand what I meant. In the meantime, stop thinking you have the most unique situation in the world that is so twisted no one but you can never understand it. You don't. It's time you grew up and got over it.

    That said, I do know (that comes from beyond blog-posts btw) that you won't be able to think outside your own sphere of self-pity. So that's fine, you were right in all of this, and B was a mess, and you were the one treated like shit.

    Oh, right, you don't get sarcasm either.

  1. Stained says:

    It's funny how you seem to think you know me and understand me. You know what, in 6 months time i.e. 28th October 2010, I'll make a blog post that'll contain some words put together that might either help you understand this situation better or just confuse you further....lets see if you (and the whoever else) still think I'm stuck in a sphere of self-pity after that....assuming you stick around that long....I'm done with this conversation.

  1. Anonymous says:

    That depends on you, me staying ie.

    Why wait until 28 October. Do it now if putting some words together gets you out of it, or whatever.

    Ofcourse you're done with this conversation, heh. In any event, you started the conversation, so sure, you can end it anytime.

  1. Naseem says:

    Stained... just take it easy... and stop acting as you are a victim because its your fault in all this and you are the one hurting yourself... and your story is just so normal with nothing unique in it..

    its so natural for us at some stage in our life, get dumped, cheated on, not being liked or no one love us... every man has passed in some sort of emotional tragedy...

    just deal with it and dont show the girl, us (your readers), and perhaps your friends and family that you are so weak and that she succeeded in hurting you

    it takes so much courage to admit it in public... and I have done it myself too and nothing wrong with it.. Salute for doing it...

    however, be open minded with the comments you receive.

  1. Stained says:

    @Naseem...was planning to send you an email but couldn't I also realized I can't view your blog either...

  1. Naseem says:

    Yeah I have closed my blog... you know this phase where you get bored from it :D... perhaps maybe some other time i will start blogging again

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