Opinion required

Posted: Wednesday, December 09, 2009 by Stained in

So a friend of mine (lets call him Mu) asked my opinion regarding a situation he's in. I'm not sure how he ended up telling me this but now I literally know almost everything about his love life...weird. Anyway here's the situation....

Basically he's been going out with a girl (lets call her Ri) for over a year now but things haven't turned out the way he thought they would.
Initially when he had started liking Ri, he did a lot of things to impress her and after a long waiting period, she agreed to be with him. But things got complicated and she ended up being not the girl he had initially liked.

Then there is this other girl (lets call her Ta) who Mu used to like a lot ages ago but she had turned him down. Just recently he finds out that Ta has started liking him also and being the not so happy boyfriend he tends to get close to Ta and starts liking her all over again but Ta refuses to be with him due to various family issues.

So Mu wants to be with Ta who does not want to meet Mu again (she's scared she'll end up doing something stupid) while Ri has no idea all this has been happening...

He was curious to know what I thought about it and even though the right decision would be to stay with Ri and fix the issues instead of running behind Ta and possibility not getting anything in the end i.e losing both Ri and Ta, I told him to run behind Ta cause that's where he wants to be and that's what he should do......good advice or bad..?? any opinion welcome....


  1. The Ego says:

    He needs to leave his gf first rather than doing all this behind her back. He's being a real asshole at the moment. If he's unhappy, tell her, not be a cheater, which btw is what he's doing in a way. Whether he's unhappy or not, she doesn't deserve this.

    Run after the other chick if he wants but if he doesn't get anything, tell him not to be a jerk and go back to the gf...adding insult to injury there if he does that.

    And losing both of them??? I mean, if he's unhappy, what is he afraid of losing? His unhappiness?
    Better to make his gf unhappy now by telling her he's unhappy than her finding out he's two timing her. And how can he talk about being with someone else while IN a relationship???

    Oh there's no right or wrong really; although yes it would be the honourable thing to do if he stayed in the relationship and gave it a chance first before mooning over someone else while still with Ri. Either way he's gotten himself into a right mess and someone is going to lose from this situation.

    And thing I don't get, JUST bcoz Ta doesn't want to be with Mu, that's why he stayed with Ri??? I mean, from what you're saying, he sounds like he's bloody testing the grounds with Ta before deciding whether to leave Ri. Seriously? It's like, let me see if Ta wants me; if she doesn't, I'll stay with Ri. If she does, I'll leave my gf who has no idea wth I'm doing.


  1. The Ego says:

    Oh and if he leaves Ri, tell him to do the decent thing and be honest with her as to why.

  1. Stained says:

    He'll leave Ri even if Ta does not go out with him from what I understood cause it's better to end an unhappy relationship...

  1. Stained says:

    what if Ri ends up being those clingy whining type of girls that might go nuclear on him if he was honest about Ta part....I would advice hime not to be honest....

  1. The Ego says:

    Okay...then why hasn't he ended it yet? What is he waiting for? Green signal from Ta?

    Well how does it matter how she reacts if he's already broken up with her?????

  1. Stained says:

    I suppose he's waiting for the right time and not a green signal...
    and even after break I suppose he'll care about her...I think...

  1. The Ego says:

    Maybe he will care about her, but he's not showing that he has any value for her at the moment by trying to score with another girl behind her back.

  1. Stained says:

    trying to score wouldn't be the right way to put it...
    I suppose thing with Ta just happened. It wouldn't have been intentional...

  1. The Ego says:

    If it was unintentional or whatever, the moment he realized what was happening, he should have either: (a) stopped it, or, (b) said okay, I want Ta, not Ri and it's unfair to Ri so I'll tell her and end this relationship as I'm not happy anyway.

  1. Stained says:

    makes sense....but he's been busy at work and she's been at work as well....internships so they haven't had the opportunity to meet as such....
    Anyway in the end what do you think he should do....??

  1. The Ego says:

    Stop being confused. Stop making excuses about being busy (seriously). If he'd come to me with this when he first realized his 'unintentional' straying, I would've told him to HALT whatever he was doing with Ta until he ended it with Ri. As he has very stupidly not done that...

    ... As Ta doesn't even want to be with him, regardless of whether she likes him (need I remind you of some ppl whom I used to like and didn't want to be with me even though they claimed they liked me too? Did I gain anything by running after him or did I gain something by being with the guy who loves me?), right now he needs to COMMUNICATE with his gf, tell her he's unhappy and tell her why. If he thinks he'd be unhappy even if she tries to change, then end it please. No point in drawing it out and hurting himself and her as well. THEN pursue Ta with all the determination he's got. And then hope he gets her. But till he breaks up with Ri, please, tell him to be decent enough and not try anything with Ta.

    And if Ta keeps saying no, drop it and move on. There's only so many times you can bang your head against the wall.

  1. The Ego says:

    LOL Neel is gonna see this and think, Ummm should I comment now? Hehe...

  1. Lol at your last comment D.
    I agree with what has been said.

    Firstly, boys don't think from the heart; they think from the head. You know the saying "Follow your heart"? I would NEVER understand that (shit) of a statement and always wondered why it was mentioned so many times either in movies or books when the main character/protagonist had to make a choice. I understand now that at times when you do 'consult' your heart you get the answer right then and there...you utter the answer yourself and you'd be surprised at the relevation. So, having said that Mu needs to seriously get his act together. I mean WTF is he doing- just leading Ri on in a relationship he's not investing time and effort in? Like D said, if he is unhappy- both Mu and Ri needs to sit down and TALK this through. Discuss the problems; don't just say "Oh I ain't happy so I'm going to go behind someone else"- this SO translates into "I'm done with this relationship but just for 'backup' I'm keeping Ri around incase I get lonely and bored and need to pass some time". Tell Mu to go upto Ri and talk to her about what's bothering him and let her KNOW that he is unhappy and what they BOTH can do to make each other happy and get this relationship to work! Now two scenarios- if Ri gets upset and decides to leave Mu...so be it. It may be easier for us to say than do it BUT you have to remember, Mu said he was unhappy. So better to let go now? I mean if he sees this relationship as not worthy of his time then why carry on? Other scenario- Ri will want to work this out and stay with him. At the end Mu will be happy.
    AND there's a third scenario- if Mu decides to leave Ri (and yes, ask him to do it with dignity and respect i.e. a proper break-up) tell him that it's not only a wise decision for him but also Ri (wise bec of the fact that he is "unhappy"). Once that is done, tell him to speak to Ta and let her know he's single and is interested in her. If she still turns him down, then he's got two options: Either wait until Ta realizes his love for her OR go ahead without her. He is bound to find someone else...I suppose.
    The gist of it all is NOT to entertain feelings for someone else while being in a relationship.

  1. Ignore the grammatical errors...it's early morning and I;m sleepy :P

  1. I'd say forget both of them. It's not really losing when he doesn't like the currey gf very much, and why in God's name would you want to pine after a woman who doesn't want you because of family issues? Run away from both. Be alone. The right girl will come along when the right girl comes along.

  1. Stained says:

    Well he's decided to tell his gf everything and let her decide what she wants to do i.e stay with him or leave.

  1. The Ego says:

    I'd like to know what happens I guess...

  1. Anonymous says:

    too many comments above... no time to read...

    but my advice based on the initial post is to leave those two girls for good... he is not even loyal to any of them in the first place neither those two girls are actually deserve him.. first is not sure about him, second he is not sure if she is good.

    he is one of those guys who is chasing the wrong love.

    end both of them... if he try to be with one.. he will end up getting hurt...

    trust me... he will end up being the looser anyway if he decide to move on with anyone of those two girls.

    its not easy... but life and reality is not like the romantic movies we watch. ;)

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