Changing Lanes

Here are pictures taken by me on two seperate occasions when I went to the beach....

Moms in the hospital. Haven't let it get to me though, till now at least. Have watched my sister cry, my brother & dad look grim. But I'm still trying to be strong in front of them. A few friends know about it & again I've been trying to portray an image of toughness & carefree.

Haven't called up my mom either on her direct number cause I don't think I'll be able to talk to her.

My TD wants to take care of me tomorrow. So I'm going to hold it all in for tomorrow when I'll let myself fall into her arms. Sorry my love for upsetting you yesterday & today, was just upset myself & was not thinking straight as usual about yesterday. Love you lots & lots....& I know you know that.

Dads home right now, he'll be going to the hospital after some time but I'm not going with him. Just going to sit at home till chikku comes to pick me up to go for work.

Btw, Dads calling me a scary cat (in a not so serious manner) for not talking to mom on the phone... :S

Yesterday I walked again, from knowledge village to Mall of the Emirates. Had to go for work there & was supposed to be dropped by some friends but due to a misunderstanding they left me stranded in KV. So as usual I walked. It was fun, took several pictures. Walked at a slow pace so it took me about 90 minutes [left at 12:30pm, reached by 2pm] to reach the police academy opposite MOE where I was picked up by chikuu. Here are the pictures....

This poem took me 5 mins to write. Was sitting behind hot breads in Knowledge Village near the underground parking entrance. So I was kinda on the edge of a 15ft drop [one day I'll try jumping it to see if my legs can bear the shock, its part of my parkour thing] that's why I've mentioned the edge in my poem. Its not really a poem, more like random thoughts that popped in my brain. I think I might edit it later as per my need & sister's advice [I usually ask her for any mistakes in the poem]. I know its a little crappy & nothing great but its how I felt. I'm feeling the worst I've felt for a very long. Yes, worser than I felt when I made the post 'I strike again'. Kinda freaky as I thought that was the worst I could have felt but now I know there is worser side still to comprehend with. Don't know how though.....

Any way here's the crappy poem. Don't mind its 'making no sense' lines, its my English at its worst [happens when I feel really upset]. So that....

All Alone I sit
11:16 am
18/01/07

Sitting on the edge
All alone I sit
Watching cars go by
People walking pass
The clouds roll on
The wind blows away
Suns plays Hide & seek
Leaves falling from trees
Even stationary things seem to be moving
Sitting on the edge
All alone I sit

Can't this be repeated
Once again
Twice already
Stuck in this place
All the time
Maybe not this time
Or is it my imagination
No it hurts
Its reality
Can't this be repeated
Once again

Perfect couple
Imperfect people
Glaring eyes
Moving fingers
Something is wrong
Sometimes it's right
Maybe not now
For one another
Maybe tomorrow
Perfect couple
Imperfect people

You can hold on
You can let go
Anything is possible
Today's one day
Tomorrow is another
But maybe forever
Nothing is mine
Or yours
Or anyone's
You can hold on
You can let go

Calming my heart beat
Death is at the door
Ringing the bell
Its almost the end
Just one last thing to do
Just something I need to do
Waiting for that last breath
To reminiscence all
To smile one last time
My heart beats for you
My heart beats no more...

-Stained

Well there you go, you can flame me for it if you want to.
Erm...Just one last thing, no one needs to say that I need a hug or something coz I seem to be in a terrible state. To be honest, I'm better off on my own & if I need somebody I know where to go...So that.

Yesterday, I walked for about 10kms if the distance from my house in Deira to Jumbo in Bur Dubai is 5kms via-Maktoum bridge. I work at Jmbo[part time] which also requires me to stand for about 7 hours. So I walked to jumbo at about 2pm & back home at about 10pm even when I could have taken the bus or taxi as their was hardly any traffic coming or going. On the way back at 10pm, I was tired. My leg muscles were screaming out in pain & my vision was getting a little blurred, but still I persisted to walk on. On the way, I gave this whole walking thing a thought & came out with an interesting conclusion. Maybe I am just trying to punish or strengthen myself by putting my body through such pain time & again. Its weird but sometimes I do walk aimlessly with a completely blank mind as if I'm hollow inside & that life has no meaning for me. I sometimes cross roads without thinking when in such a state & this does happen quite often to me.

Anyway I got to walk again today to fuds house which is about 2kms away I assume with also 8 hours of work later in the evening & my legs are already hurting. To add to that my limp in my left leg is back, the knee joint has been hurting making me limp lately. Maybe it is a punishment.....

As usual, I screwed up yesterday. Why do I do this I'll never understand. First I don't do anything to make the situation any better for anyone & here I am making it worse for the people who matter. Just brilliant, a complete genius of a person.

I wish I could just stop screwing up. But noooo...Its destiny. I'm meant to screw up again & again in life till I'm dead. Why don't I just read between the lines & learn that maybe nothing is meant for me & I'm meant for no one. I was happy living my life alone with that enormous amount of hate boiling inside of me making the focus of my life as just taking revenge. Nothing more, Nothing less. But here I was trying to understand the world by socializing. Bad idea, forget understand the world, I can't understand myself anymore.

No more...Enough of this lie I'm living. I need to create my own destiny, my future, i.e. I will go down one day but I'll take with me all those people who made the life of my family difficult. 'Revenge is sweet' I seem to have forgotten it lately but now I remember & I do hope I will never forget it again.

I've just realized something. I've become such a good liar that I can lie my way out of any situation. Fud says that I'm a two faced person & to be honest I have become like that. Not being the usual 'say it all on the face' who did not care how his words would hurt others. Not the frank guy I was. I've changed, second time in my college life. Would be quite interesting to know where this change takes me.....

22:30
09/01/07

A plane crash
A shipwreck
A blazing house
An execution
Voiceless death
Slithering in
To take life
All's good

You laugh
You weep
You seek to fathom
You begin to sense
The end
Creeping close
Nothing will remain
Only hate

Feel pain
Feel demented
Feel something
Feel everything
Know you felt it
Got through
Beginning again
Still unchanged

Punching the wall
Punching anything
Punching to bleed
Punching for pain
There is hope
This will heal
Felt something
Still numb inside

A Shooting star
You wish
Feel happiness
Punching heart beat
Galaxy full of stars
Lighting up the sky
But they're too far away
And nobody's listening..

-Stained

Not as impressive compared to the previous two in my opinion. But well wrote it so posting it. :D

As usual, I had my FR class from 7'o clock in the evening to 10'o clock. Boring as usual & I felt like bunking it as usual [I know...Lots of 'as usual']. So giving into the temptation to bunk the second half of my class & having nothing else to do, I decided to walk around Knowledge Village [K.V], time being 9:15pm. There were only about half a dozen people around & here I was trying to take good pictures with my mobile camera [a SE K750i] while trying hard not to be spotted by any of those few people. Did not want to attract too much attention, wouldn't have liked it. Prefer not being disturbed when in the photography mood. No wait, more like prefer being left alone lately.... :
It was fun, for once K.V wasn't buzzing with students which was a nice change. So here are the few good pictures I managed to take with my mobile [Don't mind the bad quality as night mode sucks on mobiles]......

Yesterday was sooo much fun. Thanks Chikuu :D :D.

We had plans to go for a movie[Museum in the night] at 1pm but because one of my friend had other plans that would make it impossible for her to reach the theatre[Grand cineplex] at the decided time we postponed it to 7:15pm. But I was feeling a little uneasy so asked Chikuu if we could go for lunch with the others who were free at lunch time. So me, Giri, Chikuu & HB went to Caesar's restaurant in Deira near Habtoor motors. I had a Chicken sizzler, it was delicious. Sat there till 3:30[the restaurant closing time was 3pm]. Then me & HB had a craving for chocolate so went to Chili's for molten chocolate cake as our dessert..


After that we headed for Jumeirah beach. This was not the open beach opposite McDonalds or the Burj al Arab beach. It was the one in the middle, don't know what it's called. It was soo freaking windy & cold. Beautiful weather in my opinion but a little too cold for Chikuu & HB, they cuddled up in the cars booth[VW Touareg]. I went on a photography spree & took about 20 pictures. We were there till 5:30 slowly watching the sun playing hide & seek behind the clouds. Here are a few pics that I took...



























Then we made our way to BurDubai where we picked up gauri & waited for giri to go feed his parrot. We met little traffic[as compared to normal dubai traffic] & reached the theatre by 7.

The movie was nice. Time pass but entertaining at the same time. The worst part was that a monkey in the movie who was a complete brat, pain in the ass is called Dexter & that's my Bluetooth name cause I tend to call my self Dexter after the cartoon. Ahhh!! My friends anyway called me a monkey cause I practice the art Parkour[will make a post about that later] & I'm a hyper active person so after the movie, my friends kept teasing me. So bugging.... The movie ended at 9:15 & I got dropped home at 10. A wonderful day, lots of fun.

Thanks again Chikuu .........

18:23
02/01/07

Faces concealed behind hands
Scarred beyond recognition
Perchance they're trying too arduously
To make a difference
But glimpses of what lies behind
Terrors sculptured deep within
Filter through the falling tears
That bare the story to deaf ears

A dream is what you see every night
To crush it all, to break your heart
Believe if you must in what you see
But don't try to be a part of me
Destructive & repulsive
Is the reality that lies beneath
Faces concealed behind hands
The devil hides deep inside

- Stained