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21:54
27/03/07
Feeding off other people's wrath for me
Passing through the devils shadow
It runs in my veins
Oozes out through every word
Words of advice
Mastered the art of despise
Filling my world full of lies
Such mediocrity
Has been meant for me
An hideous person
A hidden facet
Should have known it long ago
I'm the evil one
So why do I live...
-Stained
Liking this poem a lot... :D
Anyway today's my parents 30th wedding anniversary & I haven't yet wished them..... :)
My life fucking sucks right now & the worst is still not here.....Brilliant!!!!!
And then people EXPECT me to Compromise. Compromise what??? I really have nothing here and I'm expected to let go what nothing I have....Fuck!!!!!
Yes I'm in a very bad mood, just hoping the movie '300' is up to my expectations. But again hope is a LIE....
Signs and symptoms of Depression:
Well the above summarises what my life was during the first few months of my first year in college, i.e. Oct-Nov 2004. Reminiscence about what one did wrong is always good cause it either helps you not to do those mistakes again or it just breaks you from inside. Umm...Sorry again to everyone [if they ever read this] who I gave a hard time during those few months, my bad...it always is.....
A skill I'm not very proud of is my ability to make things up when needed to cover up a truth. I can spin a story out of no where that is completely believable. Done it so many times for my friends & sometimes I surprise myself with the stories I make with a perfect series of fake incidents that coincide with the requirements of a perfect cover-up, a fool-proof story.
But it does not mean that I'm a very convincing liar when this 'made up' story comes out of my mouth. Its more effective when I'm the writer while someone else does the act of saying it.
21:57
14/03/07
A Million dollar question
A million answers
A million wishes
That have you at the edge
You wonder what to say
Tomorrow's dream
Could be a reality today
But dreams are a mirage
Reality kicks you in the face
You contemplate
You take your time
You wish you had someone along
That misery takes your breath away
You want this to end
Forever to fulfill
Would it be possible
But dreams are a mirage
Reality kicks you in the face
The darkness begins to hurt
The night comes to an end
The stars disappear
That's me on the ground
You can see me now
A spot on this earth
With a million wishes
And dreams are a mirage
Reality kicks you in the face
-Stained
I'm starting to like this song......Its called 'Blurry' by Puddle Of Mudd
Click here for Lyrics...
Desert Rock was Awesome........Prodigy was the best in my opinion. Me & FUD sang along, danced, jumped & had a lot of fun together. It was great.....though the mosh pit was kinda scary cause every time one started had to make sure FUD was out of the way & unhurt [Sorry FUD again if me being a bodyguard bugged you]. We got elbowed, hit on the head, pushed around but all was great even though now I feel like lying in bed & not moving a muscle. The energy of the performers & the crowd was exhilarating but the beer throwing by some jerks was not fun. Got splashed several times with beer but luckily it was costly so water was splashed more than beer [Got back home at 1am, put my clothes for wash & had a bath, ended up sleeping at 2:30am]. I'm not going for the second day today so I'll post some pictures of yesterday later & even a few videos.
23:04
07/03/07
May he know why it was him
To Justify for the unknown
His to make
His to lose
A chronicle untold
Far from time
A gamble of fate
Or Maybe his own life
What life you may see
Cruel & free
Dying it may seem
Just another journey
From past to present
Future is now
May his soul
Rest in pieces
Scattered all over
Of what was once his
All over the ground
Under the sole
Sole of people
Who don't give a damn
His to make
His to lose
Lost it all
What he never had
Now he lays
Alone in his grave
Forever he shall lay
Till the end of time
When all will be lost
And nothing will matter anymore
Then his time will come
To shine again
To shine into the nothingness
And no one would give a damn
14:05
07.03.07
It felt like tomorrow won't come
Do I wish it doesn't
A shooting star streaks across the sky
Vanishes into the darkness
Make my wish come true
Flittering away
A butterfly
Colourless.........& now lifeless
Lying on the ground
Mouldering before my eyes
Just ask a question
To get the answer
Get what you want
Try to at least
And It'll make you cry
Tears shed today
Forgotten tomorrow
But it feels like tomorrow won't come
I wish it doesn't
A shooting star Vanishes in Darkness
-Stained
I kinda like this video so thought I'd link it here....
Was just going through my old posts & one particular post caught my eye. Its dated at October 15 , 2006 & is titled 'In the end'. The following lines really say it all so just thought I'd post it....sorry its a re post but what the heck I want it so I put it.....
"The jokes of life surround you everyday. Death hides behind a door you will soon discover. Every morning you wake up hoping that this day would be the day that your wishes were fulfilled. The day that your life would mean something to someone, your death would make someone cry. But hope is just a lie you live everyday, days that you begin with a smile & end with a tear.
But its human nature to go on hoping & so will I. But I know I will never get what I want, cause my life's a joke that just keeps getting funnier.... "
Time & again the people of this world prove to me that each & every person can be manipulated to ones own convenience & every action of theirs can be predicted to precision.
Just trigger it & all the pieces will fall into place as per your need. Quite simple to do & very satisfactory to watch the whole process happen.
It also proves that you really don't need to do much to have your way. Just be a little selfish & evil in life & everything should be fine for you...
Hmm....its quite surprising that people can soo easily be made to do what you exactly want them to do.
Hmm....the fog today was amazing especially over the creek. Took a lot of pictures & a video. Here are few of the pictures, will post the video later.....
......near my house
......the creek road on the deira side
......the abra's
......an abra[1]
......an abra[2]
...view from the abra[1].....
......an abra[3]
......view from the abra[2]
......view from the abra[2]
......view from the abra[3]
......view from the abra[4]
......from the burdubai side
......the fog less burdubai side
......the new building opp. Trade centre
......sun reflection on fairmount
......Sheikh zayed[1]......
......Sheikh zayed[2]
I really like the fairmount picture cause the sun reflection looked fabulous in real.. Also like the abra reflection pictures. So that....
Yesterday was this years [Academic year] last college party that was tentatively named 'ECSTACY'. I convinced a few friends to come for the party but at the last moment my own chances of going were looking bleak. Basically had to face a lot of family trouble as usual as I've always been the useless one at home. So anyways after a lot of lecturing from everyone I managed to get permission to go but had to be back by 1:30 am & also got the car keys to my brother's car [a Prado].
By the time I got it all, a headache had already kicked in. To add to it I knew no one at home was really happy to let me go for the party. So the headache plus the tension took most of my concentration. Not a good thing when you're on the road driving. Luckily lately I have learned to control my speed so I was not a hazard to anyone else or to myself. But then a man decides to cross the road right in front of my car [I'm at the speed of 70kmph], stops in the middle of two tracks [it was a three track road] hoping I would veer off. I did move off to the right track but so did he, basically he thought I would move to the left track so he moved right. I hit the brakes & the guy managed to jump out of the way. If he had not, I would have hit him at a speed of 40kmph or so.
I stopped the car a few meters ahead, got off & ran to the guy to make sure if he was okay. A motorist who was passing by screamed at me that it was not my mistake. The guy was fine, I said sorry, so did he. I stood there for a few more seconds asking him if he was fine again & again. I had started to shiver. After making sure he was fine, I started walking away but at that very moment a policeman who was near the interchange came & asked me to stay. He first asked me for my license & then for the car registration. I was shivering like mad, the policeman had started conversing with the guy in Arabic. Right now I wished I knew Arabic. The policeman noted down the respective numbers from the two cards & kept telling me to relax as nothing had happened cause he could see me shivering. He let me go, I made a last check on the guy asking if he was fine.
I drove off. The next few minutes were horrible. It was one of those times when all bad things pop into your head; 'If I had hit the guy, my life would have ended', 'Everything that was there would have been lost'..etc... I reached the party, relaxed a little bit by having my TD by my side for some time. I partied away the night but the dread was slowly growing. So by the end of the party I started planning how to punish myself for being such a useless driver & person.
I am a self punishing person, walking so much till every part of my body hurts is one such way [yes, its was never for me to stay thin]. Anyway I got back home at 1:40am, tired from all the dancing, with the annoying headache making a comeback & being very sleepy. All added together, I should have slept like a baby but I did not sleep, not for a minute. I lay in bed till 11:30 am in the morning thoughtless & empty just staring at the ceiling.....
15:38
22/02/07
Everything that was there was given to her
He has nothing left more to show her his love
He knows he's second best. He'll never be the one
But still he loves her for no selfish reason at all
Lost he is, deep within...
She tells him not to hope, tells him it's not going to work
She's saying the truth, he knows it well
He knows there is nothing here for him
Here & there he looks around
Lost he is, where to go now...
The ringing silence broken by a dream
Empty eyes filled with tears
He chooses not to move ahead
Stuck in those memories he lived with her
Lost he is, in her arms...
One day he will love once again
Deep within he knows he will
He'll learn to forget the pain he feels
But those days seem so far away
Lost he is, right now he is...
-Stained..
Work got over more than a week back & I've had enough time to rejuvenate my will power to do some studies now. I'm lagging behind in three of the four subjects I've taken up this year. So I should be busy studying & not bunk classes....
Well....I ended not only bunking my 'Banking & Finance' class but also walking all the way from Knowledge village to the Abra station in Bur Dubai. I was in a very sucked up mood & so I walked. The whole trip took me about four hours [from 1:50 to 5:40 pm]. I must be crazy to walk so much but well I felt like getting away from everyone & everything that was/is a part of my life.
I took about fifty pictures in all but obviously won't post them all here, so these are the few good ones...
.....The camera on the way to Madinat Jumierah from KV.
......Burj al Arab.
......Petrol-pump I stopped at to quench my thirst.
......KFC-Hardees on Jumeirah road.
......Pizza Hut
......The long way ahead
......Villa entrance with hanging roses
......A white F430 zooming past
......Beach near Jumeirah beach park
......Jumeirah beach park
......Empty road
......Burj Dubai
......Pick-axe
......A mosque
......Mercato
......Dubai Zoo
......The Falcon art
......The Jumeirah Mosque
......The UAE flag
......Wasl road
......The road expansion victim
......The port Building & sunset
......Bur Dubai
......The Abra souq
......The Abra station
All in all it was a wonderful walk though my legs do hurt a little but it was amazing. Being able to walk soo much was a great revelation for me. So that....
