Changing Lanes

Yesterday was this years [Academic year] last college party that was tentatively named 'ECSTACY'. I convinced a few friends to come for the party but at the last moment my own chances of going were looking bleak. Basically had to face a lot of family trouble as usual as I've always been the useless one at home. So anyways after a lot of lecturing from everyone I managed to get permission to go but had to be back by 1:30 am & also got the car keys to my brother's car [a Prado].

By the time I got it all, a headache had already kicked in. To add to it I knew no one at home was really happy to let me go for the party. So the headache plus the tension took most of my concentration. Not a good thing when you're on the road driving. Luckily lately I have learned to control my speed so I was not a hazard to anyone else or to myself. But then a man decides to cross the road right in front of my car [I'm at the speed of 70kmph], stops in the middle of two tracks [it was a three track road] hoping I would veer off. I did move off to the right track but so did he, basically he thought I would move to the left track so he moved right. I hit the brakes & the guy managed to jump out of the way. If he had not, I would have hit him at a speed of 40kmph or so.

I stopped the car a few meters ahead, got off & ran to the guy to make sure if he was okay. A motorist who was passing by screamed at me that it was not my mistake. The guy was fine, I said sorry, so did he. I stood there for a few more seconds asking him if he was fine again & again. I had started to shiver. After making sure he was fine, I started walking away but at that very moment a policeman who was near the interchange came & asked me to stay. He first asked me for my license & then for the car registration. I was shivering like mad, the policeman had started conversing with the guy in Arabic. Right now I wished I knew Arabic. The policeman noted down the respective numbers from the two cards & kept telling me to relax as nothing had happened cause he could see me shivering. He let me go, I made a last check on the guy asking if he was fine.

I drove off. The next few minutes were horrible. It was one of those times when all bad things pop into your head; 'If I had hit the guy, my life would have ended', 'Everything that was there would have been lost'..etc... I reached the party, relaxed a little bit by having my TD by my side for some time. I partied away the night but the dread was slowly growing. So by the end of the party I started planning how to punish myself for being such a useless driver & person.

I am a self punishing person, walking so much till every part of my body hurts is one such way [yes, its was never for me to stay thin]. Anyway I got back home at 1:40am, tired from all the dancing, with the annoying headache making a comeback & being very sleepy. All added together, I should have slept like a baby but I did not sleep, not for a minute. I lay in bed till 11:30 am in the morning thoughtless & empty just staring at the ceiling.....