Changing Lanes

I'm an arrogant person with a colossal ego. I don't accept defeat easily....oh wait! I never accept defeat; I just burble something and act as if it never happened. Anyway as quite apparent from my unvarying work related blog rants, I’m not making a lot of money *points at the lack of cash inflow in the past 60 days*. Irrespective, I have lifestyle and work related expenses I’ve got to sustain on a daily basis which doesn’t go down well with my father who keeps a tap on my depleting bank balance. This has led me to depend financially on friends who frequently lend me money that I have a tendency to pay off by helping them with work and/or hard cash (if needed). Unfortunately for me, the amount of money I owe everyone now due to certain incidents (lost and then found my wallet that someone conveniently emptied, online purchases etc) is weighing down on my ego. My arrogance is in denial but I need to face the fact; I don’t have any money. I’ve been literally living off friends for the past 45 days or so and it feels horrible even though no one shows even the slightest inclination or pretence that they're doing me a huge favour. I’ve lost this battle and it does make sense to accept defeat before there is nothing left to salvage. I need a job and give up on this freelancer facade I’m hiding behind but I’m refusing to stop fighting; I don’t know why....