Changing Lanes

In a whacked out mood. Have had four heated conversations in the past 24 hours, not fun I say.

The first[last night], Mo has a nik that might upset sam[she is like a sister to me], so I ask him to act in a appropriate manner & to change it. He gets offended & said it was for something else[I don't believe him]& that I should keep my bad stuffs with me & he does not want to start any bullshit again....hmm....:S

The Second[last night], SS calls me up. He asks me why I'm spreading rumors about something he has never done. I'm like wtf?. He said I was going around telling people a lie about him. Here I was wondering when did I start telling people stuff when the thing he was talking about, only two other persons knew to my knowledge unless someone had overheard me[which was a very high possibility]. So I told him maybe someone over heard me & it was not my fault, not my responsibility. But he kept swearing & my temper kept rising. But then I today after a loooong sleep I send him a SMS saying sorry... :S

The Third[last night], Mom got mad at me for late night phone calls to my friends. She lectured me a lot that screwed my mood further. I know it was my mistake but well I had lost my temper twice already so it was on the edge, lost it again.

The fourth[Today morning], D.O or 'The bitch' as I like to call her. She's got a new dog[boy friend] who seems to have a few contacts. He was able to provide a discount on tickets for my friends b'day treat. So being jerks that a few of my friends are, they invited them. I didn't know about it till today & the treats tomorrow. My temper rose again, Why do they have to call 'The bitch'& her Dog, sheesh...I'm thinking of not going now...But then I decided to go & just messaged her on MSN telling her to stay out of my way, she replied after a looong time[maybe she needed the time to think] saying that she is not interested in my way, that I should keep my advice to myself...But as I had been advised before, I ignored the trash she was saying.

Hmm...Somebody's gonna get steam rolled by me...Just hope its 'The bitch' or somebody I don't like...But then people who care want me to control. Its so much easier to be angry then to control. Why should I control when I can remove it all on people who deserved to be trashed. Ruining people's lives is sooo much more satisfying then bottling it up & screwing your own life. What to do is the big question....

A song for my best friend....Savage Garden 'Crash & Burn'.....here are the lyrics

This is for me to remember when I deal with all those jerks who have tried time & again to mess up my life...

"The right time to show your good character is when you are pestered by somebody weaker than you. "

So all you weak inferior souls....get a life....

hmm...another poem...wrote it in my Financial reporting class.....here it is

Was going through some forward mails. One contained various quotes...the following one caught my eye...

"Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. "

But what if you dont want the world to understand you...

I choose not to let go, you made your decision but I don't want to accept it. I will hang on to you till the end even if takes my life away. You can't make me change my stance, I will never let this go. You can move on, do what ever you want, but I'll wait & hope that one day I will get what I want even though that day will never come, it seems...

It's all I have right now & it completes me. It's something I've never felt before, something so beautiful. So why should I want to let it go? So I'm gonna do as I please irrespective of what you say. So that.....

[15:26, 14/11/06]

A dark horse
Hidden in shadows
No one does notice
As it walks away

A white horse
Under the spotlight
Put to death
Everyone sheds a tear..

What life to live
What things to do
A pointless life
Or a spectacular death...

-Stained...

So scared, So nervous...I don't know where I stand. Why does this have to happen. 'Why me' is all I can think about. I will try to ride the storm & hope to reach the end. But my hands are shivering, my thoughts are clouded & the end seems to be so far that all I can think is about that falling star....

You're so close right now, at this very minute. But here I am sitting in front of my computer, sad that even though you're so close, you're still so far....out of reach.....

I hate being unable to comfort people who I care about at times of pain. I feel so helpless, It's like my existence is of no use to them. I can't make their troubles go away nor can I make them smile & forget it all. I just watch them struggle with it not being able to help them in anyway. Its breaks me, shatters my insides. I wish I could save them, take them away from this crazy world of theirs & give them what they desire but then I realise that I'm not in the position to do so coz either I ain't important enough or I'm no one to interfere or I just don't know what the problem is.

I struggle as I write this to hold back my emotions. Why do I feel so much, why do I even hope that I can bring happiness to their lives when I can't even hold on to mine. But here I am writing this, trying to console myself that maybe I will know...know the way to every solution to their problems.....

hmm....
"Accept us as we are
Why is the Western view of clothes the only "right"way to dress? Are women dressing up in Western attire completely happy with their clothes or looks?

Why can't Western societies/countries accept different people? Why are we expected to accept them just as they are, when they can't?

If we can accept their beachwear, why can't they accept our hijab?

from Ms TK
Dubai "

This was a letter sent by a person I know to the local newspaper...so just thought I post it here.....

I don't know if I'm screwing up again. Maybe I should just stop with it coz its doing no good to anyone. Should stay in control of what I feel coz I'm going overboard. Its taking a toll & I can't afford to hurt anyone anymore. Need to understand that my actions affect others & how people see them. So no more...not gonna do things my way, I have done enough damage already, won't let that happen again....so that....

Got tagged by Fizza, didn't know what to do so had a look at Dee's blog.....so understood what I had to do...so here's my effort....

Buying clothes:
1. Do you look at country of manufacture or quality of manufacture?
A: Quality.....

2. Do you make sure they are natural fabrics?
A: No....comfort is more important

Generals:
3. Sunglasses, fashion or protection?
A: protection....when I get my own car.....

4. If you were a dog, would you bark or bite?
A: None.....would be unsafe for my FREEDOM....end up being called a terrorist & put to sleep

5. Do you turn your cellphone off before going to sleep?
A: noooo....I just keep the ringer at a lower level

6. You came home from out and have an hour to go before going out to meet a friend, what is the most probable thing which you'll do in that hour?
A: Lying on the floor resting after freashning up....or doing house work if my mom needs help...

7. What's you favourite state of chocolate; liquid or solid?
A: depends on my mood....

8. What would you choose; a noticeable pay hike or noticeable improvement in work environment?
A: If the pay & enviroment sucks....a new [better] job please!!!

9. What do you enjoy more; staying indoors with friends talking meaningfully or hanging around with friends outdoors?
A. outdoors anytime.....

10. If all the music artists come to a deliberate agreement to perform their last concert on the same day, whose concert will you attend?
A: Hmmm....due to space constraints....they would do a "Live 8" type thing in dubai...simple...

Hmm...who do I tag....Dee's already been tagged by me....so erm.....Dandoom..