Changing Lanes

For the past 24 hours, I've been on cloud no 9. The weather's quite pleasant up here :D. Time seems to be moving so slowly & I don't even mind it. That's a first...
The writting's on the wall, I've finally got what I've always wanted & now I'm not gonna let it go.
Hmm...can't stop thinking about all that happened yesterday. I keep 'open-eyed' dreaming about it & just can't stop smiling [my jaw is gonna start hurting after awhile].
Well can't really write anymore as I can't think of words to describe what all I'm feeling....so that...

Wanted to make a post but then heard the song 'Beautiful Letdown' by 'Switchfoot' & as it says all that I wanted to say so I decided to post the lyrics. This song defines me as a person..its my song....its who I am & this is how I feel. So here are the lyrics:

Its been a long time since I've written a poem....so here's an attempt to write what I'm currently feeling...

Just remembered an incident that happened to me a few days back.

Being a great car fan[like every other guy], I love taking pictures & a closer look at any exotic rare car. I'm not scared if the owner does turn up while I go through my peeking & pictures routine. Its happened to me quite a few times when the owner would just give me nasty looks or maybe a smile. I would usually wait for the owner to drive away as I would want to hear the exhaust note of the car[it's a guy thing]. But on two occasions, the owners spoke to me, saying the same thing,"for sale, want to buy it" & for some absurd reason my brains would freeze up. With a weird smile on my face & a mumbled no, I would try to disappear from that situation as fast as I could.

The first incident had happen when I was still a shy school student who would go red in the face for no bloody reason. The second incident was the one that happened to me a few days back. I was in dubai media city, just left mcdonalds. On the way to pick a friend from college[AUD], me & my friend[in his car] saw a parked VW Golf R32, a car that both of us wanna one day own. So we stopped next to the car, I got off to start my routine when someone calls out, it was the owner saying that it was for sale & if I was interested to buy it. I knew he was joking & like a proper adult [I'm 20] I could have engaged him in a intelligent conversation where maybe I could have ended up getting a ride in the car but i just decide to slide back into my friends car. Weird....that is sooo not me. Its confuses me why I freeze up coz I have worked in sales so I do know how to deal with strangers. Well I do hope that next time when I do end up in such a situation I'll act more mature & sensible....

Do people in college really understand what love is or is it just 'timepass' where either they are too scared to be 'alone' or they just want to satisfy their 'physical desires'. Even if the girls are serious[about the relationship], its very rare the guys will also be serious. So how can these girls go out with such guys. Fine, maybe the girls learn to compromise for the time being hoping that as time passes they would be able to change the guys attitude towards the relationship. But how often does that work. I have a few cases in front of my eyes where any such atempt made by the girls are in vain. And then you hear them complain that my boyfriend is like this, he does not care etc. But the thing that really cracked me up was this line said by a girl,"If I [the girl] dont dress up nicely he [her boyfriend] does not give me attention but when I do, he wants to be with me all the time". Now which girl would choose to go out with such a guy. Sheesh its sooo...urgh...have not words to describe what it is. Is this the so called, highly advertised Love or is it just a compromise & then more compromises till everything falls apart. But then I think it won't matter to such people in it end, they might just find new companions to go out with......

I recieved a SMS from 'Etisalat' yesterday. The following was the content of the message

"Win free ticket to watch the Bollywood hit 'Don'. Enter SMS quiz, Answer 10 questions. SMS 'S DonQuiz' to 1117. Only AED 2 for registration! For info. call 101"

All my friends recieved this message. We were surprised, since when did Etisalat start promoting 'Bollywood' movies & how can a movie be a hit even before its release. Then the answer came, 'Shah Rukh Khan'. Even though it was just a promotion gimic to call it a hit, but it all fell into place when you think about the supposed 'King Khan' of bollywood. They seem to believe that anything SRK touches would turn into gold. So here we have 'Etisalat' sending messages to its subscribers hoping that the die-hard fans would reply[I'm sure many must have], jumping on the SRK band-wagon hoping that it would bring them riches.

"Etisalat third-quarter profit rised to Dh1.6billion - result helped by strong mobile subscriber additions"

This was was a story published by Gulfnews today. Dh 1.6billion profit for a company, why would they end up sending such rediculus SMS's to its subscribers. What riches would it get them by joining in for this promotion campaign. If Subscribers are the main source of its income, why then send annoying SMS's to them. Just because the 'Don' distributers will go to any extend to promote a SRK movie & would have paid a shiny amount of dirhams to 'Etisalat', it should still not have gone ahead with this Win a free ticket bullshit. Next thing we want is 'Etisalat' promoting the dozen brands promoted by SRK which would make sure we recieve atleast a dozen SMS's everyday.....

''Everybody needs somebody to be there irrespective of who they are, I wonder when my chance will come to be that somebody...''

The last line of my previous post. What one wants, he/she will never get. Thats what life has taught me. You may try as hard as you can but in the end it all doesn't matter. Reminds me of these lines from the Linking Park song "In The End"

I am a very insecure person. Every new event raises a storm in my mind that revs my insecurity about my position in the everyday lives of the people I mingle with. Its unnecessary I know, but whatever I say to myself, these weird insecurities seem to have a ever increasing strong hold on me. They are in my every thought. Any action that I take are hampered by them. I have made several mistakes, lost friends & even made enemise due to them. I don't know what I'm playing at but I just can't let them go.

Just today, I was informed about something. A event that is of no importance to any normal human being, but here I am screwing up my day thinking about what will happen to this so called perfect world of mine. I know I'm important, but I just cannot get over the fear of being ignored. I know everyone suffers from this fear but mine is just much larger than anyone can imagine. I have almost ruined my college life due to this fear.

''It's all a mind game'', that is what I always say. ''Everything can be overcome if you are mentally strong'', this is the advice I give others when they seem to give up at the sight of small obstacles . But being the most pessimistic person when it comes to my own well-being, this advice seems to be of no use. How do I fight this I donot know. The only way I see is to run away from everything in the hope that these fears will go away....

People & their Egos. Its disappoints me by looking at these people who pride their ego over friends. How pathetic can one be. It really sucks when egos get enlarged on small things of little of importance in ones life. Its such a kindergarden attitude, adults sulking like kids sulk when denied a chocolate bar or something like that. It would have been fine if one of them had a inflated ego, but its soo annoying when both parties involved have inflated egos & refuse to make a compromise. Then they have that look on their faces that say,''Its not my mistake, I'm the victim here''.
Hate being the negotiator in such situations. Its like making two side of the coin face the same side which is not only impossible but also murderous. Argh...the stupid retarded people with their humongous egos. Why can't they just go jump in a well & save me from the frustration from dealing with such idiots...

Why do people believe that if one day if they laugh too much, they will cry the very next day. Its like destiny they say. Weird I would say. How can you make such a prediction. Its like they want to cry the next day just to keep the balance of laughter & tears in their life. They say that they have experienced it in their lives. But don't humans have the tendency to forget all those good experiences as compared to the bad ones & not everyday can be a wonderful cheerful day, their are ups & downs in life for everyone. So isn't it a little too pessimistic to assume that no two days can a person laugh his heart out. Be optimistic is all I get from them being the greatest pessimist they have known but then why do they take this approach. Its all too confusing & irritating. I think its all a mental block embedded into people's mind. Why think of tomorrow when today is so full of laughter...sheesh..

Had quite a emotional satisfying chat with one of my close friends. She made me feel much better about things going on in life. 'Act mature', thats what she said. Maybe I am acting a little stupid, sometimes things are just too personal for one to share with others. Maybe thats why I was kept in the dark. 'You have to understand.. that what you give.. you never always get in return..' she added..maybe I am expecting too much. Interesting, this was quite a anti-climax for me, I needed the help of another person to understand things more clearly. Not something I'm used to. But well maybe this was just one of those days.....

Hmm...my first blog....
what to say...what not to say is the question....been thinking of starting one for ages but just tooo lazy...so a recent visit to a friends blog was all i needed to create this....cant really add much right now[its one of those ''writer's block'' days]...so maybe later....